![]() They come across as two guys in thrift store costumes, lumbering about with an ungainliness that makes them resemble Frankenstein’s grandpa. Nonetheless, when it comes to ridiculousness, nothing tops Pooh and Piglet’s rubber-mask faces, whose quality is more Spirit Halloween than Rick Baker.īarely able to open and close their mouths, and wholly incapable of moving expressively, Pooh and Piglet look idiotic, especially since Pooh’s orange visage is frozen in a goofy grin. Such absurdity is emblematic of Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, as Frake-Waterfield’s script boasts neither general nor internal logic. Pooh gets nutrition from guzzling down honey that drips off his face along with copious drool, snot, and tears. Moreover, though they own a slaughterhouse with a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-style meat hook, they don’t seem to eat their kills rather, they’re just doing this for sport. Despite having ostensibly reverted to carnivorous animals, Pooh still wears denim overalls, a flannel shirt, and work boots he and Piglet write messages in English and wield man-made weapons and, at one point, Pooh even drives a car! Christopher, meanwhile, is abducted by Pooh, this after he screams and wails like a baby about what’s become of his soft-and-cuddly friends.Ĭhristopher is appalled that Pooh and Piglet are now wannabe Jason Voorhees, but that’s not the only strange thing about the pair. Mary winds up perishing at Piglet’s hands (feet?) in what may be one of the limpest murder scenes in horror history. Mary thinks that Christopher is incapable of letting go of his adolescent imaginary pals, so she’s downright astonished when they discover Pooh and Piglet’s bizarro lair-it’s part clubhouse, part distorted-tree-branch maze, and part trailer park hang-out-and are then set upon by the duo. Robin, who, five years later, shows up in Hundred Acre Wood with his wife, Mary (Paula Coiz), eager to introduce her to his old magical buddies. ![]() They became marauding beasts with a burning hatred for mankind and, in particular, for Christopher. The ensuing trauma was so severe that it drove Pooh (Craig David Dowsett) and his loyal minion Piglet (Chris Cordell) mad, warping their minds and convincing them to reject their human instincts, including speech. When he grew up and left for college, Pooh and company suffered through a horrible winter that eventually compelled them to eat one of their own: Eeyore. It takes mere moments to comprehend why Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey’s distributors didn’t screen it for critics in advance of its theatrical debut.Ī shoddily animated prologue explains that, as a boy, Christopher Robin (Nikolai Leon) discovered and befriended magical creatures in nearby Hundred Acre Wood. It all renders the proceedings as drearily twisted as The Banana Splits Movie and The Mean One, two kindred spirits (the latter based on How the Grinch Stole Christmas!) that also turned popular kids properties into the stuff of nightmares. What he does do is bludgeon, stab, and stalk his prey like a monster, which is crushingly juvenile and groan-worthy. Thus, to avoid copyright-infringement violations, Frake-Waterfield’s Pooh doesn’t utter any of his famous exclamations (“Oh, bother!”), nor does he hang out with springy Tigger. That allows anyone to adapt it without first receiving permission from Disney, who own the rights to their version of Pooh and all the supporting characters introduced in subsequent Milne books. Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, which is now in theaters, only exists because Milne’s original 1926 book, Winnie-the-Pooh, entered the public domain last year. It’s a lose-lose no matter which way you slice it. Those who are intrigued by such a gory reimagining, on the other hand, can look forward to some of the chintziest and most uninspired exploitation cinema this side of Sharknado. If that doesn’t sound, on the face of it, like your cup of tea, you’d do well to avoid Rhys Frake-Waterfield’s low-budget slasher, whose novel ideas don’t extend beyond that basic premise. Milne’s beloved children’s characters as rampaging murderers. Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey’s central gimmick is that it features author A.A.
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